30 Days of Heart: Day 7

if you are gonna diet make sure you eat

Today is the seventh day of blogs.  I thought I would share a great story. (It wasn’t great going through it, and my wife would tell you it was bad. Very, very bad.)  The other day we left our house for OKC about an hour away.  I didn’t eat my breakfast and thought I was good for at least one stop to Kohls before eating lunch.  To make matters worse, I didn’t feed my son his banana that morning.  He blew up first and didn’t want to be in the cart.  I know this for a fact because he started flailing around like a mad man-screaming and trying to hit everything around.  I tried to hold him but I had already surpassed my time to eat.  I exploded and told my wife, “I am leaving” and left her right there in the middle of the store to finish by herself.  I went to feed my son his banana but was so hungry I ate half of it.  She came out so confused… and without anything.  She said she didn’t want to buy anything without me there as well.  (Now, I understand exactly what she meant because we both like that the other one is interested in us and what we buy.) In Hangry mode I drove off and hurried inside Chick-fila without even waiting on her and ordered a 12 piece grilled chicken nugget.  I came back out and ate it in front of her. After 11 nuggets, I noticed my son just staring at me from his car seat. I gave him my last one, and my heart sank.  I literally let a lack of food (I say lack but it was one meal, I wasn’t starving) change my emotions and turn me into this.

 

My son is 15 months old. I can understand him doing this. But I am 34 years old.  Since that happened I have been in deep thought about how food could seriously do that to me.  It just goes to prove my whole last year.  I even picked that we went to Kohls before we ate. I let outside circumstances that I had full control of still change what was on the inside and turn me into something I couldn’t control.

My wife was super sweet and has forgiven me but she shouldn’t have to.  My mind should be controlling my body, not my body controlling my mind.  Where was the Spirit in all this? There was no “the spirit is willing but flesh is weak.” It was just weak being controlled by food.  If you love people and you decide to cut out all simple carbs such as bread and sugar, make sure you don’t go on empty haha.

 

what is the plan going forward?

This episode has lead to me searching out my inner man more and more.  I know my struggles are deeper than just being overweight; that is just a fruit of a deeper pain and root problem. I am on a journey to find out what that is.  My wife and my dear friend Tiffany shared with me to uncover the mental struggles of the last year and find ways to measure growth like a weight scale does for the physical.

I will be dedicating a large portion of this next week’s blogs to belief structure and mental struggles.  Missing one meal should never lead to what happened above, and I want to not just fix this to fix it, but to live in freedom going forward.  I want to expand my mental capacity while lowering anxiety and depression.  I want to create, imagine, and dream good things again.

If you have seen The Biggest Loser then you know the ones that make the lasting changes are the ones that have a breakdown moment where they are a complete mess and then explore what helped them get to that point. Those that never have that breaking point usually gain the weight back after the show; those that have that moment have a better chance of staying fit and free. If you are reading this I want you to know healthy weight is very important, but not the end goal.  It is just a starting point to the really big things that God has in store for you.  I hope and pray that you can learn from my pain and not have to go through it yourself.  If you have or are there now, my hope is that you walk with me hand in hand and we keep going towards the finish line stronger together.

My name is Johnny Walker and I am on a journey to Get, Grow in, and Give my heart.  Will you come with me?

2 thoughts on “30 Days of Heart: Day 7”

  1. I know for me I have been learning that I am valuable enough to take the time to meditate- clear my mind- to come back to peace and to take the time to cook something healthy and eat it. Before it was all about everyone else. But I am learning if I am not in balance then how can I help those around me to the fullest? Because when I take care of myself then I am at an optimum level to live the fullest for myself and those around me. It’s been learning, in a society that is so fast paced and busy, that it is not only okay, but it is good to slow down and to take time for myself. But it has been finding the value with in that pushes me forward to take care of myself. And that has included unearthing a lot of that internal struggle and rewiring you mentioned. It is not an easy task, but more than worth it for those who endure and choose to push through.

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