30 Days of Heart: Day 1

Where do I start?

Wow, I started this year 50 pounds over weight.  Before moving back to Oklahoma in 2012, I ended 2011 at 173.  8 pounds from my target weight.  I moved to Oklahoma on top of the world Spiritually, Mentally, and Physically.  little did I know over the next several years of full time ministry again that I would slowly lose myself in all three aspects.

 

There were several highlights from 2012-2016

  • My wife and I became Missions Pastors and led over 40 people on foreign mission trips
  • We started Financial Peace University with over 100k in debt and paid it all off
  • We had the most amazing Boy Malachi Jude Walker
  • We helped start revival culture in Western Oklahoma with Signs, Wonders, and Miracles

There were also several low points

  • My father died in a horrible way after years battle with cancer (when I thought he would be healed)
  • My wife’s Grandfather died a few years later on the very same day my Father and Grandpa died. (April 6th)
  • I started suffering horrible anxiety attacks from over work, under sleep, and crappy eating, that led to meds
  • We lost our Church Staff position due to lack of funds.
  • I became depressed and was put on depression meds.
  • I gained 42 pounds from crappy eating, low self esteem, and wrong Actions.

it is all about context

I gave years of hard work to paying off debt with my wife, but blamed eating bad on that.  I could have chosen to eat better, and in fact my wife encouraged me to.  I was so busy doing ministry and family, but I could have chosen to work out, but instead grew weaker.  I preached, taught, encouraged, and led others in Good theology, but I could have chosen to put those things in practice myself.  I made a series of choices that led to other choices, and gave up piece by piece.

  • You can’t gain 42 pounds by eating one bad meal.  It took years of bad choices masked as good ones.
  • You can’t get on meds from one bad thought.  It took years of struggle without asking for help
  • You can’t change your theology from one day not reading your bible.  It takes years of not being intimate with God.

But did I cause harm to anyone else?

If you would have asked me over the last several years I would have honestly answered NO.  I absolutely caused harm to others, but even without that I am worth not causing harm to myself.

  • I chose food over intimacy with my wife.
  • I missed out on more play time with my son
  • I couldn’t give others more because I was focused on me.
  • I rarely talked to my family, let alone see my family back in Texas.

What is with all of this vulnerability?

I have learned that if I open up to others, that it actually helps me to open up to myself.  When I feel like i withhold the whole truth (because I lead by example) I slowly start to recluse in all areas of my life.  So I wanted you to know that I am far from perfect even though I like many others could have been called an expert.

What is an expert?

So many people claim to be an expert from past success.  While you can give others advice from things you went through, if you are not currently living up to it then you are not one.

Expert defined: having, involving, or displaying special skill or knowledge derived from training or experience.

You simply can’t live off of past revelation but must currently have, be involved, and display Experience.  Before I give you Expert advice, I need to Experience it for myself.  I need to be involved with the process, and Display it.  I must have Heart!

So What is the plan?

I ended 2016 believing I am worth it.  I started to Speak over myself things I was going to change physically, mentally, and spiritually. I formed a plan that for 30 days I was gonna not just read the word but study it, I was gonna grow my brain muscle while also learn how to be stress free, and Eat super clean for 30 days while working out my body.

I am going to fill you in on all the details, both good and bad.  I will show not just share if this so called Expert advice actually works or if its just a pipe dream in my head. At the end of the 30 days if/when it works I will then proceed to continue my journey while at the same time speaking into you so you can learn to Act on your Beliefs.

 

So here is what I woke up to Jan 2nd after a Paleo diet (meat, veggies, fruit, and nuts) and my first hard workout in years.

Tomorrow is a new Choice I will choose to make happen.  I will lean on Jesus my Savior, Healer, Prince of Peace.  I am not alone in this journey and neither are you!

P.S. for the next 29 days I will share my Heart honestly, and with great care to be of a benifit to someone who can relate.  It will be an amazing Journey.  Will you come on it with me?

8 thoughts on “30 Days of Heart: Day 1”

  1. Love you Johnny. So very proud of you. I am excited to follow and learn from you on this journey. I am always here for you and your precious family. Please, do not ever forget that.

  2. Oh J Dub!!! Your heart and vulnerability amaze me!! We can’t be a “church” if we aren’t real and honest with each other. I admire you for stepping out in faith. It isn’t easy to share the “yuck” – but I promise you, by doing so – you will not only find healing within yourself, but others will also! Thank you for being the AWESOME YOU that you are!!! Love ya man!

    1. OH MY GOSH thank you. I love the “AWESOME YOU” you and your fam are pretty much the epitome of that phrase. Thank you!

  3. Amen, good stuff thank you for sharing. I am sworking on losing more weight to. It’s been a year and I lost close to 40 pounds with more to go. Amen

    1. WOW that is amazing Kathy, you are an inspiration to so many. I am thankful for your friendship and Intercessory prayers!

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